I’ll Try Loving You

‘See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise on a tropic isle
Just remember, darling, all the while
You belong to me.’

written by Patti Page

—

Patti Page wrote this song in 1952 and it was a popular ballad for a number of singers in the mid-1950s. Patsy Cline was one of those singers. The melody came to me out of nowhere and I wanted to play it on my guitar and sing it. I had remembered a scene in a movie where a woman in 50’s dress was singing and selling every bit of those vivid dreams in her confident performance of that touching song. I was listening and finding the chords. The melody stirred emotion.

The first two lines she sings took me to different worlds because of her direction to ‘see’ and ‘watch.’ So, yes, I did see those pyramids from the railing of the slow-moving sailboat of my mind’s eye. I did watch the memory of the sun rise on a tropic isle. I recreated the vision, I had actually visited an island or two. Then, for some strange reason, my heart gripped when she proclaimed, ‘you belong to me.’ 

I see a problem with her perspective and the potential pitfalls of one person belonging to another. My impression of her intent might seem a bit concrete, but still, I think I correctly absorbed her sentiment. Wasn’t the original intent of a marriage contract the legal determination of the possession of rights, as least by someone, if not everyone. Historically, someone often suffers by ‘belonging’ to another human being. Not a just comparison to marriage, but some people belong in prison; and even prison meets basic survival needs and offers security, but not full exercise of free will. Few living situation are perfect.

And still, the melody and her lilting voice vibrates with joy, so we can allow that the 1950s were a different time and place with different sensibilities regarding relationships. Now, over 70 years later, the sentiment of the song could be said to strike the wrong chord in the musical score of the sentiments of our times. When I sing ‘You belong to me,’ it arries that sense, lacking the ring of truth, of irrevocable security. Belonging to someone in this confused era would seem to be more about the confidence and pride of possessions and less about the partnership we have come to dare to hope for in human relationships. Perhaps it is the wear and tear on my emotions, over years of adapting to the feelings of others in order to survive, that causes me to seek and practice more practical and realistic perspectives than the limiting constraint of belonging to someone or expecting them to belong to me.

“Perhaps it is the wear and tear on my emotions, over years of adapting in order to survive, that causes me to seek and practice more practical and realistic perspectives than the idea of belonging to someone or expecting them to belong to me.”

For me the hard truth is that if we are asked to ‘love others like ourselves’, then a good place to start is to be as objective as possible and check to determine how we are doing with loving ourselves! I can only offer that I don’t find loving myself as easy as I had hoped when I try to be objective, or when I from time to time, get humbling feedback from others. I can be mischievous, unruly, boisterous—a general pain. I can be tempted to scratch at the social fabric—but the real problem is that, when I sense the absurdity of the social agreement, I don’t always mind rejection. I also have a few good—actually quite good—aspects to my humanity. Sense of humor is one, because if one does not have a sense of humor, ‘it’s simply not funny."‘ So I try to keep my enthusiasm in check, it scares some people. I jump into my performance of self as best I can while trying to be assertive, harmless, and considerate; and also having a reasonable degree of good-natured selfishness which, unnatural as it may seem, is a perspective that took some years to master.

Could the lyrics be updated by using, “I’ll try loving you?” (versus, ‘You belong to me.’) It is easily singable, it fits, but what a different sentiment. Gone is ownership, and now I sense negotiation. It is not a minor commitment to attempt to be honest and authentic, vulnerable, when the only certainty is another person’s willingness to try to love us—warts and all. Willingness to try, however, can be good enough for a start. Practice in loving is a required part of building connection. It is hard enough to keep our own heads and hearts in working order. Sensing and then establishing limits with another person can be a tiring effort that is both awkward and time-consuming.

For me, a time came in life when there was a question of whether or not the drama of human relationships was worth the effort, when what I needed seemed to be offered more easily by a healthy cat or, for more commitment, a dog; to address the weakness we might call, A need to love! I have an established practice of kindness. Got to start somewhere. Finding a reasonable mutually agreeable human being, in proximity, seems to be a challenge when trying to find a subject for an experiment, for the practice of loving. I will try again.

I accept my failings and try to improve. It requires maturity and life lessons to take risks with full acceptance of potential outcomes, modest expectations, and good cheer while continuing the walk bravely, head high, belly tucked, hair combed, wrinkles smoothed, heart open…into the unknown. The reward might be quite good. Let’s hope.

I will remember and sing this wonderful melody as my anthem, and Ms. Page forgive me, but I will use my lyrics to say:

‘Just remember darling, all the while [I’ll try loving you.]’